Its been quite a year for most and we know its just the start of the period of change and new evolution with the powerful planetary alignment coming in December 2012. Change is not easy to experience and quite often we fight it preferring the ‘better the devil you know’ approach. Afterall, what if it gets worse for allowing the change into your life? But what if things got better? Thats the whole surrender to the Universe philosophy Ive mentioned before.
I know that I am quite adept at stuffing things up. How many times in life do we make the wrong decision, say the wrong thing, do something unfortunate and end up in a desperate situation of wanting it fixed. But even at that point we still wont hand over the reigns of our life to anyone, not even a professional. Why? Because we think they might stuff it up!! Funny when you think about it, talk about the pot calling the kettle black! The confronting year that has been, contained some painful items for some. And most of those items have had the sense of loss behind them. Loss of a pet. Loss of a human. Loss of a relationship. Loss of income. Loss of the ability to be well and function. Loss of faith. Or just genuinely being lost. Yes it hurts and the lack of control over the situation makes people feel helpless and then its easy to give up or give in to fear. Thats when we stumble in our progress because we let fear interfere! Allow yourself to feel the pain just so you can acknowledge it and move through it. But the fear is when you doubt yourself, others and the Universe. Ive experienced so many losses in my 44 years, more than is usual. But the knowledge and experience of it has not made me an expert on it. The pain and shock, anger and resentment lasts as long as it needs to, for people to get through it. Its different for each person, no two are the same, so dont compare yourself with others. In fact, its even different within yourself. Some losses are quicker to get over than others and may not even make sense to you. Why was it worse to lose a job than a relationship, or why was it sadder for the dog or ferret to die than a relative? So dont compare yourself with yourself either, emotion is not logical. It just is what it is. With loss also comes regrets where we start to mentally list where we fell short or what could of been different, to change the final outcome. The old adage ‘everything happens for a reason’ is very true but hard to hear at the time of the pain. Even if you say it to yourself for comfort, it somehow sounds so hollow. And even more annoying when someone else says it in a bid to make you feel better. Ive experience loss many times as I said, and am facing it in the immediate future in many forms. I think its worse when you know its coming and cant stop it. But I guess when looking at this overall picture, Ive come to the conclusion that its all directed towards the significant 2012 and clearing space to allow room for new developments. Not to mention the old karmic scales from past lives and lessons needing to be learnt and relearnt. Obviously all this emotion makes us human. We are hardest on ourselves than on anybody else. But remember, we are just souls having a human experience and maybe its time to lighten up on ourselves. Yes its important to forgive others in order to release negative blockages. But lets not forget ourselves on that forgiveness list. Maybe this Xmas should be not a time wholly and soully for family, friends or religion, but a little bit of time just for ourselves to reflect, forgive and love ourselves. Be kind to our inner child and let him/her play and be acknowledged. Make sure that this precious moment is just for you. Too many people live wholly for others and lose themselves along the way. Thinking that if they do this they will be popular or loved more. Its not doing yourself a favour in your own development though. So my Xmas Wish for you (and myself) is to give yourself the gift of attention, to be real to yourself, feel what you need to and reward yourself for giving you a moment of your time.
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It has occurred to me many times how challenging it is to deal with physical pain. I have watched others around me put up with it every day as if it is a normal state of being. As I write this now I am trying to overcome yet another migraine. There are a couple of reasons for the recurring head pain, one I can fix with meditation, the other I have to ride out, not to mention any permanent damage I have sustained from the 6 concussions. I remember my mother suffering day after day with neck pain, obviously in absolute agony, but I didn’t really understand what that was like until it happened to me. I actually feel quite bad now that I was not more sympathetic or supportive. Pain can make you feel sick to the stomach and barely able to function. It changes your personality and interferes with quality of life and it can have a roll on effect on those that have to live or work with you.
It’s hard for people who have never experienced a lot of physical pain to get an understanding of how all consuming it can be, especially when it is usually an invisible problem. The sufferer appears strong and healthy on the outside, so it’s easy to forget that sometimes symptoms cannot be seen. It is challenging trying to explain to family, friends or work colleagues that they can’t just make plans without finding out how you are feeling first, or if it’s within your capabilities in the first place. There is help like Pain Management Support Groups where other long term pain suffers meet for discussion and support. When dealing with constant pain for so long it can make a person feel very alone in their cocoon of agony, feeling like they are an inconvenience to those around them. These groups serve a great purpose in helping the sufferer to not feel quite so alone. Everyone’s pain barrier is different to each other, in other words, some can take a greater degree of pain more than another person. But at the end of the day, it is still going to take a toll on the persons physical, emotional and mental abilities. The state of mind is the thing that has the most impact. Chronic pain can lead to depression and worse. It can make you feel powerless and frustrated. It’s the easiest thing in the world to concentrate on the pain and how it is interfering with everything, thinking of the things that you cannot do. Sounds trite, I know, but it is crucial to think of the things that you can do. As the list grows, celebrate each achievement with joy and gratitude. The law of attraction, what you send out is what you get back, means that if you are grateful for those achievements, more will come your way. I have watched first hand someone die sooner than the diagnosis because they gave up and just waited for the end to arrive. A massive learning curve for me and the start of my own self development and heading towards the New Age Hippie stage of my life. One thing I know to be true is that when you help someone else, you will immediately feel better within yourself no matter how much pain you are in. Obviously it is important to use the advice of your GP or specialist but alternative healing is something that I have always fallen back on. I take far too many pain killers and worry what this is doing to my healthy organs. Massage helps the body release natural endorphins so I don’t need as much pain medication. It is something that if you can’t afford financially, you might be able to find a generous and caring friend or relative who can help you. Meditation is a fabulous way to focus on something other than pain, hard when it has a grip on you full throttle, but worth a try anyway. Just the fact that you are concentrating on breathing and putting oxygen through your system is a good way to cleanse everything, bringing you back to the basics of life. Eating foods with less artificial colours, flavours and preservatives is another cleanser. Don’t forget to laugh as well, spend time with a funny friend or watch a funny movie. It is no fallacy that laughter is the best medicine, it really does lift the spirit, even for just a minute. Spending time in nature, even if it’s just sitting in the garden and watching the insects, the plants and the branches moving, breathing in the oxygen that the plants are so generously supplying you with. In nature energy just is. It doesn’t struggle or worry or even argue. It has a flow of creating and an ability of releasing, where necessary, stuff that no longer serves it. Let’s copy this ancient being so that we may also get into the flow of beautiful energy and be sacred and divine. Breathe deep and commit fully to this life and future lives. Allow yourself to reach out and feel the bliss of existence. Don’t look now I am being given topics to discuss! I’ve been asked to meditate on the word intolerance. Maybe this person meant just the behaviour, but the words that came to me are intolerance as a reaction and side effect. Have you noticed that many years ago you didn’t really know many, if any, people with allergies and reactions? Yet now every other person is allergic to practically everything? Normal things in our world we take for granted, but unbearable to others. Whether its food, chemicals, nature, animals, pollution and so it goes on.
You could clean more. You could systematically cut back certain foods, sussing them out. You could move house, move region. Go colder...go hotter. Run away from nature. Or is it that we should we be embracing it? Many, many years ago, humans were more connected to the seasons and the cycles of nature, connected to the earth and relying on it to survive. Now we seem to live almost apart from it not even acknowledging its existence. How very insulting to Mother Nature when she works so hard. We have separated from the planet that we actually live on, which is almost like fighting a part of ourselves. We all know there is a delicate balance within nature which can be disturbed by an introduced species (human being the worst), climate change and many other factors. As a result, loss of forests, species obliterated whether animal or plant, toxicity, even influence on weather. So doesn’t it go without saying that there is also a delicate balance within our own system and bodies? Not just influenced by the outside environment but on a conscious level, spiritual and emotional. We tend to eat the same food as each other from our culture. People with allergies cull food based on the latest medical research or news item on TV. Yet no two physical bodies are identical. The spiritual and emotional aspect is determined by the issues we have been faced with from this lifetime, past lives and karmic history. This is definitely a personal and individual thing as no two emotional bodies are identical. What about the here and now? Did an allergy or reaction come about recently (not at birth)? So the burning question is... what are you really intolerant to? The environment or home you live in makes you sick. Or is it the situation you are living in that’s making you sick? A relationship? ... a memory of something bad that happened years or centuries ago? Sneezing fits in the workplace but you don’t sneeze anywhere else? Suffering with pains in neck and head, when you are around a certain person or even at the same event every year? The key is to start noticing the patterns of behaviour. What is the common element each time? Is it the same person, same place, same behaviour from the other person that is coincidentally occurring. What emotions are being triggered at that moment or just before the reaction of puffy/blotchy/itchy/sneezy or any other of the annoying dwarfs. We need to reignite the relationship between us and the very ground we walk on, the air we breathe and the food we consume. Go for a walk in nature regularly, especially if you live in a city or spend far too much daylight in front of a computer. (However, take a sinus tablet if you suffer with hay fever!) Get dirt on your hands and feel its energy for growing and feeding plant life. If you don’t have a garden, then use pots. Grow your own vegies or herbs and eat them, recognising that connection. The one thing that is so apparent no matter where we go, is the age of nature and how trivial our own problems are in this minute of time. When faced with trees older than ourselves, that have weathered many adversities, such as lightning, floods, fire, insect infestation, and even man himself hacking away with disrespect. We are suddenly humble in the profound and intense energy of such an ancient being. Nature itself could almost be compared to humans in their differing moods and variety of kind. The group of trees, that look and feel like a community of beings. The single tree, bleeding sap from a gaping wound. The trunk that learns that to exist in this strange world it must grow and bend around other nature beings, looking distorted but surviving none the less. Yet all co-existing with each other and accepting, no matter what species, or how much they look different from each other. I know this person probably meant intolerance as having the incapacity to endure other people or events etc. But obviously I was meant to touch on a different definition of the word since this poured out at the speed of light. We are so caught up in our drama and thinking that everything will just stop if we didn’t race around fulfilling our self imposed responsibilities. How funny our egos can be, when the fact is that the earth went on well before we humans arrived, and it will keep on going if we all vanished from its surface. Basically, we are just a blimp on the radar of earth’s history. If you believe in reincarnation then we are a few blimps on the radar of earth’s history.
I believe we all have control issues to some degree, there are just different levels of it based on our past experiences in life and past lifetimes. It really is based on fear of being helpless. For me it’s about making sure that I am safe and secure. Or that something is done right in my eyes, for fear of it going wrong and being a bigger problem. I remember as a child not wanting other kids to play with my toys in case they broke them. I was so possessive and protective of my belongings and still seem to be. Not sure where this specific need actually comes from but I do feel it’s quite deep seated, probably a past life!
Controlling can come in many forms, not just environment but other people, even our selves. Manipulation, domination, oppression and violence are obviously the worst kinds. We see that on the news each week. During the human evolution process it was critical at times to control the environment to give a better chance at survival. That’s centuries of instinct we carry in our cellular memory. The cellular memory stores conscious and unconscious patterns of behaviour through many lifetimes. This imprint is hard to clear or reprogram just as any habit is, especially when the cellular memory acts independently to the brain. I think we all suffer with a small dose of controlling in some form or another. The controller doesn’t trust and to control another person gives them a sense of power and ego boost. I’ve seen situations of women trying to control the man in their relationship because they are so terrified of losing him, monitoring where he goes and who he speaks to, but this behaviour can cause the relationship to break up anyway. Nobody likes to be owned as a possession. There are those with the misguided notion of thinking they are always right and must organise everyone for fear they can’t do anything themselves. Giving the controller a feeling of being important and needed, after all, everyone likes to feel needed. They mean well, they think they are doing people a favour. The side effects of this, is the fact you are training people to be completely dependent on you, what happens if you are not around anymore? Not to mention the energy drain on your own system. When you finally decide not to help anymore, guess what, you are stuck with them. Forcing control usually has the opposite effect on people than was intended. A sales rep forces a product onto you and won’t let you get a word in, or a parent over lectures a child, a wife who nags their point. What happens? ... resistance. They may comply in the first instance, probably to shut you up. But in the end they are not convinced or persuaded on your point. They probably shutdown halfway through the spiel, just check for the glazing over of the eyes, you know they have vacated their brain during the course of the conversation. Parents sometimes need to control the actions of teenagers for fear that they will fail miserably without their advice, a bit of ego there I think. Arguing to the bitter end that you are right? Even more embarrassing behaviour if the person is actually incorrect. Why is it so important to be right no matter what? Maybe earlier in life the person was not taken seriously, or constantly corrected into submission. Here’s a thought... is withholding information a form of control I wonder? A way of having control of yourself, and your own situation, especially if its actually floundering. Keeping others in the dark can feel like you are in control or a sense of power. Mmm, interesting concept and one I will have a good think about in regards to myself. I think back to childhood where kids are kept in the dark all the time, ‘Children should be seen and not heard’. Which takes away the child’s chance to express themselves or even defend themselves if needed. Kids are curious and want to learn, need to learn. So stifling them with adult control is quite damaging. Everyone has an opinion no matter how old they are. I feel its the guardians role to teach the child to express it with kindness and manners but not stop them talking and leaving them in a silent, powerless world. If this is ringing bells from your childhood then I guess its time to take back the reigns. Give yourself permission now to ask questions and speak up. Within the throat is an energy centre called the throat chakra. In most healings I do on clients that chakra is the most congested from unspoken words just stewing and fermenting away. It can cause the feeling of throat closing up, sore throats, neck and shoulder pain even losing the voice. So go somewhere quiet on your own or wind up the windows in your car turn up the radio volume and scream your heart out. Let it all out, years of pent up frustration. Yes the oncoming traffic will wonder why someone is driving around with their mouth wide open, but who cares? Look for blue crystals to wear around your neck. Wouldn’t it be a great feeling to not need to control? To be confident in any outcome and surrender to the Universe trusting it knows what its doing. A weight would just lift off the shoulders and a feeling of total freedom. But to loosen that grip we need to release the negative emotions like fear, anger or anxiety. Release the need for a power trip if that is your thing. Forgive everyone. Wow this was intense, but then this behaviour is intense and we don’t like to look at the shadow self within all of us. Disconnect the ego and just be you, observe sounds without thinking about them. Observe colours and textures and shapes without analysing them, just being with them. Peace and tranquility is the observation of the silence between the sounds. You are more you in that moment than at any other time.
I am still mulling over the topic of my (and others) expectations of Relationships. For 25 years, maybe even longer, I seemed to be chasing people. Trying to hang on to, or fix relationships, whether with family, friends or romantic. Doing all the ringing or visiting and getting resentful of having to do it. Feeling rejected by those who leave it to me all the time. Not realising that I have trained them to be that way, they don’t need to make the effort with me making it so easy. Worrying that the people I pester may not want the relationship in the first place. Funnily enough, when I stop doing the chasing they get cranky at me for not keeping in contact. But, the most important fact that I have missed throughout those years is this...
Contacts come into our lives in many forms, from time to time, for a reason. Whether it’s a lesson we need or they need from us. The Universe knows what we need and at the exact moment we require it. It isn’t necessary to hang on to relationships because we think it’s expected, or traditional, or what society says we should do. People do move on because they have served their purpose for us in our own development. Trying to hang on is a bit silly when you think about it in that way. Doing so, we are in fact, interfering with the Divine plan. We need to allow for the next contact to come forth and send the previous people off with love and good wishes. We need to concentrate on our own personal journey in life, and the healing we need for ourselves. Someone might see us as a potential new friend but it just doesn’t work out. Not for any deep, dark reason, just because it was not a part of our development or path. Otherwise it would have happened. You could believe yourself to be madly in love with someone but they don’t feel the same, again, it was just not meant to be. Stalking isn’t going to change that! We cannot force others to like us, love us or even stay with us forever. Appreciate each new contact as they come and learn what you can from that interaction during the time that it lasts. Don’t grieve the loss, even if it’s death. Celebrate the experience it brought you. Learn and grow as you are meant to. There is another contradictory side to this idea though. Sometimes contacts that come along can be important, and whilst you could say that ignoring it means it wasn’t part of our path. There is also the aspect of whether this was important in our development. In this fast paced rat race we live in, never forget good manners. If someone contacts you via whatever form whether it be text, email, social network etc, make the time to answer them. Don’t let these impersonal means of communication give you licence to be rude or lazy. Or use the excuse of being too busy. If there is a reason for everything then you just never know... that person may have something wonderful to share or offer and by ignoring them, you could be missing out on something truly special. It is important though that these contacts that come into your life are of a healthy nature. I have had the experience twice in this lifetime of emotional/energy vampires. Those are the friends who are so needy that they suck the life out of you every day, every week for months. Till you resent them, become exhausted and want to run away. I have had to be cruel and leave them behind to keep my own sanity and health intact. This was a great teaching for me on boundaries and how to say “no”, the hardest word in my vocabulary. I so want to help everyone that I put them before myself time and time again. Training in energy healing was the best thing I ever did, as it really focussed on measuring out energy and keeping yourself healthy. Keeping your own cup full is not being selfish at all as it gives you something to share with others. How can you help your friends, family, children, spouse, pets, if you are depleted? You come first... always! One of the most challenging of contacts in our personal development is the mean, cruel person. The one that hurts you or backstabs you. Whether in your personal life or your workplace, it is hard to take. We have all experienced this kind of attack and it’s hard to know how to handle it. For me, I try to find out why am I so vulnerable. Afterall, what people think of me is none of my business. It is their problem and their lesson and their meanness is their Karma. If it hurts or angers me then it is my problem in the respect that it’s pushing a button. Ask the question: what am I afraid of? Whats at the root of this fear/anger? Do I think little of myself? When we are strong and confident within ourselves then these attacks have no effect on us. We would just laugh it off and let them get on with it! Whilst I impart these words of wisdom and hope they can assist others, I can assure you that these philosophies are not easy to maintain or keep in mind when faced with life’s challenges. Even with all that I have experienced, trained in and learnt, I can fall prey to the negativity and overreacting to others. Such toxic emotions that eat away at the mind, body and spirit. I just try to stay in a place of love and compassion. The use of crystals for healing purposes have been practiced by the Mayans, Ancient Egyptians and Native Americans for centuries. People have said to me 'but its just a chunk of rock'. But it has grown and formed from the Earth and therefore is, to me, quite alive and full of an energy that has been created by Mother Earth herself. How special to be able to absorb this gift from her.
So how is it possible to not just shield one’s self from the every day onslaught of nasty behaviour, but to not join in as well. To always come from a place of love, not sit on that judgment throne we as humans love so much (an animal would never stoop so low) and to remain pure in a toxic environment. I asked a similar question of a Buddhist monk from Nepal a couple of years ago. He spoke of going within and being still, clarity will come. I personally think he was trying to say "don’t sweat the small stuff".
This is the shadow self we try to pretend isn’t there. The ugly part of us, that comes out upon occasion, usually at the most inopportune of times and is very primitive. The shadow self is full of ego but also full of self esteem issues as well. As soon as we feel inferior (in our own minds), it’s easier to handle by making someone else deficient. After all, if we felt better about ourselves we would have no need to put anyone else down. Putting others down immediately lowers us energetically and spiritually, contaminating our aura. The shadow self creates an illusion between our egos and the real world. Influenced by environment, upbringing and past lives, it can feel like a battle of control at times. But that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach is the conscience at work. Listen to it. Usually the biggest reason for doing the gossip thing is to integrate with others, feel like you fit in. The irony is that these same people are probably gossiping about you. Don’t forget the saying ‘what you send out is what you get back’. It’s amazing how these insecurities about others can completely mess with your head too. Inflaming anger, insane jealousy and paranoia towards the most innocent of people, who are unaware you are even having a problem. I copped a dose of this from someone recently and was left bewildered for awhile. Then decided to hand it back over to her to deal with, it had nothing to do with me in the end. All you can do, is keep doing the work on yourself. Regular meditation to quiet the mind of clutter, that tends to build up. Remember that compassion and empathy releases judgment from your energy. Being conscious of it as soon as it happens will shed light onto the shadow to help diminish it. There is good in everyone, even those you feel are being mean to you. So have you ever felt like you have picked up the wrong body and
put it on by accident and it doesn’t fit properly? I’m sure Ive got someone elses shoulder and neck. I was intending to go on another detox (which never lasts) but instead, I have decided to eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. I feel as if my system is loaded with artificial stuff and dont’ like the way it makes me feel and not peform. I’m sick of being tired, achey and old before my time. I intend to do stretches everyday and breathing exercises to remind myself what is the basics of life. |
AuthorTerri Graham is first and foremost an Artist and a Healer. Archives
December 2011
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