I am still mulling over the topic of my (and others) expectations of Relationships. For 25 years, maybe even longer, I seemed to be chasing people. Trying to hang on to, or fix relationships, whether with family, friends or romantic. Doing all the ringing or visiting and getting resentful of having to do it. Feeling rejected by those who leave it to me all the time. Not realising that I have trained them to be that way, they don’t need to make the effort with me making it so easy. Worrying that the people I pester may not want the relationship in the first place. Funnily enough, when I stop doing the chasing they get cranky at me for not keeping in contact. But, the most important fact that I have missed throughout those years is this...
Contacts come into our lives in many forms, from time to time, for a reason. Whether it’s a lesson we need or they need from us. The Universe knows what we need and at the exact moment we require it. It isn’t necessary to hang on to relationships because we think it’s expected, or traditional, or what society says we should do. People do move on because they have served their purpose for us in our own development. Trying to hang on is a bit silly when you think about it in that way. Doing so, we are in fact, interfering with the Divine plan. We need to allow for the next contact to come forth and send the previous people off with love and good wishes. We need to concentrate on our own personal journey in life, and the healing we need for ourselves. Someone might see us as a potential new friend but it just doesn’t work out. Not for any deep, dark reason, just because it was not a part of our development or path. Otherwise it would have happened. You could believe yourself to be madly in love with someone but they don’t feel the same, again, it was just not meant to be. Stalking isn’t going to change that! We cannot force others to like us, love us or even stay with us forever. Appreciate each new contact as they come and learn what you can from that interaction during the time that it lasts. Don’t grieve the loss, even if it’s death. Celebrate the experience it brought you. Learn and grow as you are meant to. There is another contradictory side to this idea though. Sometimes contacts that come along can be important, and whilst you could say that ignoring it means it wasn’t part of our path. There is also the aspect of whether this was important in our development. In this fast paced rat race we live in, never forget good manners. If someone contacts you via whatever form whether it be text, email, social network etc, make the time to answer them. Don’t let these impersonal means of communication give you licence to be rude or lazy. Or use the excuse of being too busy. If there is a reason for everything then you just never know... that person may have something wonderful to share or offer and by ignoring them, you could be missing out on something truly special. It is important though that these contacts that come into your life are of a healthy nature. I have had the experience twice in this lifetime of emotional/energy vampires. Those are the friends who are so needy that they suck the life out of you every day, every week for months. Till you resent them, become exhausted and want to run away. I have had to be cruel and leave them behind to keep my own sanity and health intact. This was a great teaching for me on boundaries and how to say “no”, the hardest word in my vocabulary. I so want to help everyone that I put them before myself time and time again. Training in energy healing was the best thing I ever did, as it really focussed on measuring out energy and keeping yourself healthy. Keeping your own cup full is not being selfish at all as it gives you something to share with others. How can you help your friends, family, children, spouse, pets, if you are depleted? You come first... always! One of the most challenging of contacts in our personal development is the mean, cruel person. The one that hurts you or backstabs you. Whether in your personal life or your workplace, it is hard to take. We have all experienced this kind of attack and it’s hard to know how to handle it. For me, I try to find out why am I so vulnerable. Afterall, what people think of me is none of my business. It is their problem and their lesson and their meanness is their Karma. If it hurts or angers me then it is my problem in the respect that it’s pushing a button. Ask the question: what am I afraid of? Whats at the root of this fear/anger? Do I think little of myself? When we are strong and confident within ourselves then these attacks have no effect on us. We would just laugh it off and let them get on with it! Whilst I impart these words of wisdom and hope they can assist others, I can assure you that these philosophies are not easy to maintain or keep in mind when faced with life’s challenges. Even with all that I have experienced, trained in and learnt, I can fall prey to the negativity and overreacting to others. Such toxic emotions that eat away at the mind, body and spirit. I just try to stay in a place of love and compassion.
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AuthorTerri Graham is first and foremost an Artist and a Healer. Archives
December 2011
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