I believe we all have control issues to some degree, there are just different levels of it based on our past experiences in life and past lifetimes. It really is based on fear of being helpless. For me it’s about making sure that I am safe and secure. Or that something is done right in my eyes, for fear of it going wrong and being a bigger problem. I remember as a child not wanting other kids to play with my toys in case they broke them. I was so possessive and protective of my belongings and still seem to be. Not sure where this specific need actually comes from but I do feel it’s quite deep seated, probably a past life!
Controlling can come in many forms, not just environment but other people, even our selves. Manipulation, domination, oppression and violence are obviously the worst kinds. We see that on the news each week. During the human evolution process it was critical at times to control the environment to give a better chance at survival. That’s centuries of instinct we carry in our cellular memory. The cellular memory stores conscious and unconscious patterns of behaviour through many lifetimes. This imprint is hard to clear or reprogram just as any habit is, especially when the cellular memory acts independently to the brain. I think we all suffer with a small dose of controlling in some form or another. The controller doesn’t trust and to control another person gives them a sense of power and ego boost. I’ve seen situations of women trying to control the man in their relationship because they are so terrified of losing him, monitoring where he goes and who he speaks to, but this behaviour can cause the relationship to break up anyway. Nobody likes to be owned as a possession. There are those with the misguided notion of thinking they are always right and must organise everyone for fear they can’t do anything themselves. Giving the controller a feeling of being important and needed, after all, everyone likes to feel needed. They mean well, they think they are doing people a favour. The side effects of this, is the fact you are training people to be completely dependent on you, what happens if you are not around anymore? Not to mention the energy drain on your own system. When you finally decide not to help anymore, guess what, you are stuck with them. Forcing control usually has the opposite effect on people than was intended. A sales rep forces a product onto you and won’t let you get a word in, or a parent over lectures a child, a wife who nags their point. What happens? ... resistance. They may comply in the first instance, probably to shut you up. But in the end they are not convinced or persuaded on your point. They probably shutdown halfway through the spiel, just check for the glazing over of the eyes, you know they have vacated their brain during the course of the conversation. Parents sometimes need to control the actions of teenagers for fear that they will fail miserably without their advice, a bit of ego there I think. Arguing to the bitter end that you are right? Even more embarrassing behaviour if the person is actually incorrect. Why is it so important to be right no matter what? Maybe earlier in life the person was not taken seriously, or constantly corrected into submission. Here’s a thought... is withholding information a form of control I wonder? A way of having control of yourself, and your own situation, especially if its actually floundering. Keeping others in the dark can feel like you are in control or a sense of power. Mmm, interesting concept and one I will have a good think about in regards to myself. I think back to childhood where kids are kept in the dark all the time, ‘Children should be seen and not heard’. Which takes away the child’s chance to express themselves or even defend themselves if needed. Kids are curious and want to learn, need to learn. So stifling them with adult control is quite damaging. Everyone has an opinion no matter how old they are. I feel its the guardians role to teach the child to express it with kindness and manners but not stop them talking and leaving them in a silent, powerless world. If this is ringing bells from your childhood then I guess its time to take back the reigns. Give yourself permission now to ask questions and speak up. Within the throat is an energy centre called the throat chakra. In most healings I do on clients that chakra is the most congested from unspoken words just stewing and fermenting away. It can cause the feeling of throat closing up, sore throats, neck and shoulder pain even losing the voice. So go somewhere quiet on your own or wind up the windows in your car turn up the radio volume and scream your heart out. Let it all out, years of pent up frustration. Yes the oncoming traffic will wonder why someone is driving around with their mouth wide open, but who cares? Look for blue crystals to wear around your neck. Wouldn’t it be a great feeling to not need to control? To be confident in any outcome and surrender to the Universe trusting it knows what its doing. A weight would just lift off the shoulders and a feeling of total freedom. But to loosen that grip we need to release the negative emotions like fear, anger or anxiety. Release the need for a power trip if that is your thing. Forgive everyone. Wow this was intense, but then this behaviour is intense and we don’t like to look at the shadow self within all of us.
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AuthorTerri Graham is first and foremost an Artist and a Healer. Archives
December 2011
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